Do's and Dont's

         There are certain do¡¯s and don¡¯ts when you are in Vegas, or any casino for that matter. Most of us are aware of what to do in certain situations, others, unfortunately are clueless. This goes out for the inexperienced and/or the dumb ass¡­.

            DON¡±T be the guy to tell the dealer he or she is paying a player at the table on a push or a losing hand!  The dealer won¡¯t get fired, the casino¡¯s bottom line will be fine, and you¡¯ll just be a thought of as a prick.

            Just keep to yourself or give a sly smile to those that also spotted the error.       

DO:

take care of your waitresses

stone face trips or a straight flush in 3 card poker, act like you have been there before

organize your chips at the table, be able to have a "perfect color up" and don't make eye contact with the dealer when walking away

play for a couple hours one night at the Harrah's Party Pit

DON'T:

take the porn cards from the people on the street and stash them in your buddies bag

eat a hot dog from the cart at the Barbary Coast

leave any betting slip unattened at the IP, no matter how drunk you get

try to cross the street during the Las Vegas marathon

scream "BOOM, USA, USA when winning a hand of war with a Viatamese dealer at the Mirage

make eye contact on the strip with any woman between 2 and 5 am

There are plenty of others, but these just popped into my mind. 

DO: Check out the girl with the nice rack that runs the "Big Wheel" table game that pays anywhere from 40-1 to even money.

DON'T: Play it for more than five minutes. Just get your cheap looks in and move on.

DO: Take enough MONEY to support your habits & activities (nothing worse than going broke with another 2days left b4 flying out LMAO!!)

DO: Party like a ROCKSTAR

DO: Get rated EVERYTIME you play

DO: Properly greet & make BS conversation with the PitBoss (screw the dealer) he is who is taking care of you & your COMPS

DO: See a championship fight (nothing else compares & I mean no other live sporting event period)

DO: Do something you can't anyplace else

DO: Stay someplace nice (Wynn, Bellagio, TheHotel, Venetian, City Center, Signature etc........) Screw the off the strip & small stuff like Golden nugget or Treasure Island (ewww)

DO: Treat yourself to a nice meal. Nice meaning $100 per meal minimum (EXCLUDING ALCOHOL)

DO: PUSH your host around as much as possible.

DO: Buy some GOOD box (If that's your thing)!!

DO: Put on some nice threads & look your best.

DON'T: Follow up others while gambling to get you off of YOUR Gameplan

DON'T: Drink AT ALL while GAMBLING. PERIOD!!

DON'T: Worry about COMPS more than your $$$ (I have fallen prey to this. I was averaging $450 per roll but only played for 2hrs a day. My host tried to stiff me on some fight tickets next time CUZ she said she "needs 4hrs". I damn near cursed her out & said she's very close to losing my BUSINESS 4EVER. Bottomline: She changed her tone and just said that well "I've got you all taken care of for your next trip, INCLUDING THOSE TICKETS, but just be mindful that the more play the better". I said ok!! Don't ever follow them up cuz when you go broke YOU can't ask them FOR SHIT. So If you hit pretty big & stop. Then GOOD 4U!!

DON'T: Wander around Vegas with your mouth wide open, like it's your first time in Vegas (even if it is). Compose yourself.

DON'T: "GET CAUGHT" PAYING 4 box

DO: Manage your bankroll.

DO: Check out the pool

DO: Drink while you gamble. Don't get knock down drunk but carry that 72 hour buzz with you. This will alow you and your buddies to do enough crazy things so you can add them to the DO's and DONT's thread.

DO: Try one big parlay. 8 banger pays 170-1. Try it for a $20.00 spot.

DO: Call a parlay a banger and see if the clerk knows what the hell you are talking about.

DO: Scream at the TV in the book if your game is coming down to the wire.

DO: High five any old guy over 60 if your bet hits.

DO: Tip the betting Gods whenever you go by a fountain.

DO: Play spot the hooker.

DONT: Follow through with the hooker unless you are so ugly you cant get any for free. And if you do, please no dining at the Y.

DONT: Go with non-gamblers unless its your wife and she is happy hanging out at the pool. Nothing worse then having someone ask,"what are we going to do now?" WTF your in Vegas what do think we are going to do? Gamble, drink, eat and fuck. I would say probably in that order. The last one not with one of your buddies. Not that theres anything wrong with that.

DONT: Use the word lock.

DONT: Play for comps. Have a good time and if they come it's all the better.

All good advice!

Walt, you're right about timeshare warning. that was one I was thinking of too.

 If you or you and your lady want to go to a show. Go to a show.

Do not sit thru a time share presentation for free or discounted tickets! Gambling and Fun time turns into a nightmare.

Don't do your fucking handicapping at the betting window.  Write the numbers down beforehand, and have your cash ready.  Don't be a fucking douchebag standing there looking up at the board trying to find your numbers for your 5 dollar fucking 10 leg parlay.

DO....eat/snack at least 3 meals per/day. Theres nothing worse than losing by a hook and realizing you haven't eaten all day.

DON'T....try your hand at craps in the middle of a roll.

DON'T....eat the 'cake'. Thats not icing on the top.

DO....accept the fact that there is life in Vegas OFF THE STRIP.

DON'T....pick up a hooker from outside on the streets. They'll happily greet you at a penny slot inside any casino.

DON'T....get overwhelmed by the hot women at the clubs in Vegas. They keep their weight down by doing meth.

topperchris-

"Rated" means that the moment you walk to the table, hand the pitboss your id & tell them to give you a players card. Then he/she will "RATE" your play. That is make an observation of, 1) what table game you are playing, 2) how long you play 3) your average bet etc. This is all recorded & then you may get COMPED meaning "free" stuff. The STUFF depends on how strong the casino thinks you are. Comps can mean anything from cheap show tickets, a free meal, to FREE EVERYTHING (event tickets, flight, suite, meals etc) even REBATES on LOSES for WHALES. Hope this helps...

GET RATED!!!!!

DO your homework so you are not THAT guy or girl who is killing the momentum at the craps table.  They have plenty of sources and some even have sessions to teach you to play. 

DO tip your service people.  They make shit, without tips.  Plus if you like to have a drink or ten while playing, give them a reason to come back. 

DO go at least once in your life while you are young for a major event with your buddies.  I recommend March Madness, Superbowl, or a prize fight (if they ever put another one together).

DON"T;   MWC nailed it on the head with my biggest pet peeve:Don't stop in the middle of a walking isle or sidewalk with a group of people to have a chat.  Move off to the side...the isles and sidewalks are for walking, which is what people will be trying to do.  Last time I was there I can't tell you how frustrated I got just walking on the strip.  Some senior citizens just coming to a dead stop to look for coupons, or gawk at the sites or whatever right in the middle of the sidewalk.

DON"T get your hand in the way trying to place a bet in the middle of someone's roll.   Nothing will draw a table full of dirty looks faster than killing table momentum on a hot table by killing a roll.

DON"T  waste your time with the chain restaurants.  Eat at places you can't eat at at home.  Even if you are going on the cheap, try Ellis Island or a hole in the wall vs. Denny's or TGI Fridays.  Part of the fun in Vegas is the food scene.   There are actually some decent meals under $10 if you want them. 

DON'T go to Ellis Island, you will shit your pants on the taxi ride home